Jokes

TimW’s Wife



Tim’s wife accompanied TimW to the doctor's office.
After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,
"TimW is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my
instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch
make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will
only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think TimW will
regain his health completely."
On the way home, Timmie asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.

 

What are you guys on??? Leave me out of this!!!!

 

Geek Juice sheesh Timmie didn't you give Darlene any or are you and Mankind of in the recesses of your mind again Helloooooooo see I told you the boys got no mind

 

Topical humor that many of us here can probably relate too... EVOLUTION

 

Our Timmie and the house of ill-repute

TimW is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

Tim thinks this is a figment of his imagination (after all he does live in the recesses of his mind) and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

Tim’s curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?" Tim answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."

"Very well my son. Please follow me." Tim is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." TimW puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF
ST.FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

 

That is awesome
I am going to send it to a priest that I know. I know he will love it.

 

Yea BM I thought that was a humorous way to make a point, gotta be careful with religion & humour sensitive area that, glad your minister has a good "Funny Bone"

New Study

A local scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intelligence read their emails with their hand on the mouse.












Don't bother taking it off now. It's too late

 

The Biker & a Drunk


A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk!"

 

The Minister and the Flood


For BM and his friend

There is a flood in the Southern United States. The water is rising and rising and people are evacuating. At the Church, the local man of god refuses to leave. As the water rises to the steps some townsfolk paddle up in a boat

Father...Father...Please get in the boat, the water is rising"

"Ye of little faith...I have father in our Lord and the Savior Jesus Christ and he shall deliver me...AMEN!!!!!!!! Seeing he is not going to budge they leave.

Soon the water rises and he is forced to take refuge on the roof. The water is so high now that a Navy Coast Guard cutter comes by to pick him.

"Father...get in the boat...the water is still rising...if you do not come with us now you are going to drown"

"Ye of little faith...I have father in our Lord and the Savior Jesus Christ and he shall deliver me...AMEN!!!!!!!! Seeing he is not going to budge they leave

The water rises and rises and soon he is at the very top of the steeple...the water lapping at his feet. In a final effort a Coast Guard helicopter comes by and lowers a ladder

"Father...this is your last chance...Please take the rope...you are going to drown"

"Ye of little faith...I have faith in our Lord and the Savior Jesus Christ and he shall deliver me...AMEN!!!!!!!!

He is steadfast in his faith and the helicopter is forced to leave. The water rises and rises and he dies. He awakes on the other side quite angry and marches up to St. Peter filled with fire and brimstone. St. Peter looks up from his book and seems surprised to see him

"What in the Lords name is going on. I put my faith in the Lord...I put my life on the line for the Lord...and this is what I get. This is my thanks...the reward for my faith.......

St. Peter checks his book confused and after a moment looks back at him and says

"Didn’t we send two boats and a helicopter to rescue your sorry butt"

 

For those of us who tend to over-think a situation......

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"


The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo doo doo! Somebody stole tent."

 

Bob and Tom Show / Telemarketers Nightmare (funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmDMaIK4Oxo

 

@Darlene ILMAO....thats so funny

thats a good way to make them feel irratated to,
all though it would be hard work to do

 

thats given me loads of ideas!! thanks darlene. lmao

 

Kids will say the darndest things


Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while Bobby was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Bobby began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his ass again!"

 

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
Jack noticed that the guy was moaning and shaking.
"What's wrong?" asked Jack.
"I've been transferred to New Orleans, Louisiana," the guy answered. "There's crazy people in New Orleans. They have shootings, rapes, robberies, gangs, race riots, drugs . . . . the highest crime rate."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted. "I've lived there all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack. "I'm the tail gunner on a Bud Lite truck."

 

Things to think about:-

Just for you Mankind, as I know you like to delve into life's little secrets


Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"………….but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Is post 888 on the joke thread as bad as post 666

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? LOL...I did

 

Hey Mankind, havn't heard from you, staying out of the war zone? Did you listen to the Bob and Tom Telematketer? You'll like it I think.

 

I am CANADIAN eeh




After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?"

The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.

 

Wow..you found my husband's poetry

 

One good Blonde joke calls for another


Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but the store assistant comes along and closes the deal. On her way home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She sees everyone in the street naked. She takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her husband, but can't find him. She goes up to the bedroom and finds her husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed. She takes the glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and they are still naked.

Bambi then says: "Darn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

 

Coffee Shop


A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch."

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...


(Scroll down!!)




(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)






















"W I N A B A G E L"

 

Martyrs

Two Muslim mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now, though," mum confides.
"Oh, so sad dear," says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily.
"He had such curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr, too," says mum quietly.
"Oh gracious me," says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18," she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He is a martyr, also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

 

DUI-Checkpoint


Bubba and Earl were driving down the road drinking a couple Budweiser's.

Bubba said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and then throw the bottles under the seat. Just let me do the talkin'."

They finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight, and put the labels on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?"

"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "Me and Bubba's on the Patch."

 

Doctor "Packs"

"Collective Nouns For Doctors"

A Spread of Gynecologists

A Buttload of Proctologists

A Supporting Cast of Orthopedists

A Hive of Allergists

A Press of Dental Hygienists

A Carvery of Surgeons

A Golf-cart of Private-physicians

A Growth of Oncologists

A Vision of Optometrists

An Insanity of Psychologists

 

rofl. i know i shouldnt but that was funny

 

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter--ten men and
one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so
they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all
going to fall.

They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very
touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the
rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for
her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always
making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her
speech, all the men started clapping their hands....

 

TRUISM'S I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

BROTHEL TRIP


An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," he says.

"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?" "Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"

 

I like "It's hard to loose control when life is stuck in a rut." a little better. More up beat.

And my plans to live forever are progressing quite nicely.

 

i'm with you. i like my rut.

 

OK, but heres what your going to look like

 

am old one

 

another toon

 

A guy was driving around Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale ."

He rings the door bell and the owner tells him that the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You Talk?" the guy asks

"Yes, I do." the Lab replies

"So what's your story?" the guy asks.

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk, when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country. Sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But, the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. " I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a bunch of medals. I later on got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is really amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollers." says the Newfie.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar!" says the Newfie. "He never did any of that shit."

 

Word

 

Now I know where the Gangsta rap dudes get there words Yo

 

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987 . They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.!

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter

Do you feel old yet? (Sorry) Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading.



Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate

 

For us moldie oldie's

 

Great finds Darlene, "The Cat in the Hat" is going to be my poster for the Office door

 

Just came in my email, isn't that funny?

 

OMG............HAHAHA...yes it is ROFL

 

I recently got stopped for speeding and was planning to talk my way out of it until the officer looked at my dog in the back seat

 

Oh My, true story here - ex sister in law had to ride the bus to her app. stopped at a gas station, all she could come up with was a tissue from her purse. Turns out there was trading stamps stuck to it, the Dr. said here you probably want these back. LOL, trading stamps, long time ago, huh?

 

Going through all my fun links today, and found this oldie and goodie:

Before you start posting

Damn I'm glad MG is a little more forgiving! http://members.chello.se/solange/smileys/lol.gif

 

The Lord will always forgive you. ....M.G. will usually forgive you.


....But poor little Billy's heat is broken! http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g309/Zobor/musicus.gif

Now be good!

 

You saw what?

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."

Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady thought for a moment and said "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags”

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The parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this...How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my 'willie' around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English, can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssst" says the parrot...."I'm defective, so the truth is; nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You probably can get me for $20. Just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day hecomes home from work and the parrot goes "Pssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up her nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down..................................."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy. "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"God only knows. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

 

Those are great BC!
LOL
abri

 

Thanks Abri

Sin No More……………Well at least at Home Depot

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband is obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shame facedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot, either."

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My Deepest Condolences

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

 

World's Easiest Quiz.
Passing requires only 4 correct answers.... a measly 40%.


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below! Scroll Down!





ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1)How long did the Hundred Years War last?

116
years

2)which country makes Panama hats?

Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

Sheep
and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?

Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?

Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Orange, of course..

What do you mean you failed?????

 

Canadian Ukrainian Fire Department

One dark night outside a small town in Alberta, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.

It was the nearby Mundare rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Mundare old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters. The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Da furst thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck."