Jokes

This took me a sec or two cute meandog

 

LOL I just read the chili contest , woke Dan laughing, still laughing!

 

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again!"

 

Forehead Writing


A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now.

He looks at her and says angrily, fix the lights now?
Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead?
I don't think so.

Fine, she says, then asks, well then, could you fix the fridge door?
It won't close right

To which he replied, fix the fridge door?
Does it look like I have Westinghouse, written on my forehead?
I don't think so

Fine, she says
Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?
They are about to break

I’m not a carpenter and I don't want to fix steps.
He says, does it look like I have Ace hardware written on my forehead?
I don't think so I’ve had enough of you.
I’m going to the bar!!!!

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a
couple of hours..................................

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home

As he walks into the house he notices
That the steps are already fixed.

As he enters the house, he sees the
Hall light is working.

As he goes to get a beer, he notices
The fridge door is fixed.

Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed?
She said; well, when you left I sat outside and cried.

Just then a nice handsome young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.

He said,
So what kind of cake did you bake?

She replied,
Hellooee………..

Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
I don't think so!

 

After a woman meets a man in a bar, they talk and end up leaving together. They get back to his flat, and as he's showing her around, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of them - all arranged in size, from the smallest on the shelves along the floor, to the huge daddy bears on the very top shelf. Although surprised, the woman decides not to mention this to him. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks smiling, "How was it?", "Well," says the man, frowning. "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."

 

An Eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and he is forced to call out the Alaskan AA. The Eskimo stands in the howling wind and waits for the mechanic to arrive. When the mechanic reaches the broken car, he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he appears to have located the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate." To which the Eskimo hastily replies, "No, I haven't. That's just frost on my moustache."

 

In search of adventure, an attractive young lady decided to head for the Far East, and stowed herself away on the first ship available. After a month, she was discovered by the captain, who was surprised to see that, despite her time at sea, she was remarkably well fed and clean. Though realising she must have been befriended by someone on board, he was surprised when she admitted that she had been to the cabin of his trusted first officer every morning. Apparently, the nice young man provided a hot bath and three-course meal, and said that he would continue to do so until they reached Japan.
"And what did he ask in return?" demanded the captain.
"Well, you might say that he took advantage," blushed the girl.
"I'll say he did," chuckled the old sea dog, rubbing his whickers. "You're on the Liverpool to Birkenhead ferry!"

Theres loads more where I found these but a lot are a bit too `saucy` for here methinks?

I was gonna censor a few but thought Id get told off so decided not too!

Hope none have been posted before!

 

These types of jokes are the best

 

This is easy enough to check, by using the search this thread tool. Choose an unusual word in your joke, like the word "Birkenhead" in this particular joke, and search the entire thread for that word. If the joke has come up, only a few posts will be shown, enough for you to quickly check whether or not the joke has been posted before.
Thank you.
abri

 

Thanks for the tip Abri

 

'One Stone'

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????...........................



OH, Come on...take a guess! Think about it..

(You're going to love this!)





And the moral is...





You can't kill two birds with one stone!

 

Here is Grandma's recent letter. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Granddaughter:
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.....
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them
after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
I will write again soon.
Love, Grandma

 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine.
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

 

Gas Gage

 

suddenly this doesn't work for me, no more attachments!!!!

 

I think if you save it as a .jpg, then upload it, it will show as a thumbnail, Darlene, but I have been wrong before.

 

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

 

Hey BirdBath your wife told me thats what you said last nightLOLLOLLOL Hey good to see you back here BB

 

That's a damnable lie! You know I don't bathe.

 

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager". The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

 

:gunsTwo men are out on a deer hunt, one right behind the other. The one in front sights a deer, and lets off a shot, killing the deer. He's jumping up and down in celebration, and turns around to do the same with his buddy. Instead, he finds his friend down on the ground, clutching his chest and not moving, from a heart attack. Luckily, the man has his cell phone with him, and calls 911, and promptly starts yelling into the phone, "My friend's having a heart attack! We're out here in the middle of nowhere, and he's had a heart attack!" The dispatcher on the other end, the whole time, is calmly saying, "Okay, sir, you're going to have to calm down, so we can understand exactly what has happened." Eventually, the man does calm down, and the dispatcher asks, "Okay, sir, the first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead, since he isn't moving." "Alright," the man says. The dispatcher hears him put the phone down on the ground, and then just moments later, "BANG! BANG!" Two gunshots are heard. The man picks the phone back up, and then says, "Okay, now what do i do?"

 

for some reason all my attachments have been like that. Must have changed or downloaded something confused

 

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The
evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother
passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.

One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not
spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I m sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and
wish I could see him again."

"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you the power to gaze
into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long
he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and
in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing.
I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a
hole in it. The blonde doesn't."

 

Great "Punch" line in that one, DarleneLOL

 

Here's hoping this hasn't been here before:

Seuss Explains Computers

Many of you have wondered why a computer crashes. It is usually very technical but maybe this will help. So in the poetic ryming of a writer known as Dr. Seuss...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If our cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

 

A man, who basically lived his life in debauchery and sin, dies and ends up in Hell. He's sitting down, looking all down and gloomy, when a demon sits down next to him, and asks, "Why are you looking so down?" "Think about it," the man replies. "I'm in Hell. Things are gonna be bad from here on out." The demon says to that, "Actually, things are pretty fun down here. Do you like poker?" "Yeah," the man replies. "Then you'll love Tuesdays. Every Tuesday, we play poker of every kind, and we gamble to our hearts content. And since there's no laws down here, nothing's illegal, and we can get away with it!" The man looks like he's cheering up a little, and the demon continues. "You like drinking and smoking?" "Hell yeah," the man says. "I used to be a heavy drinker and smoker." "Then you'll love Thursdays. Every Thursday, we break out the kegs, shots, and cigarettes, and everyone smokes and drinks themselves silly. And the best part is, since we're already dead, no one has to worry about cancer or cirrhosis, or anything like that!" The man is really looking happy, when the demon then asks, "Hey, are you gay?" "Uh, no," the man replies. The demon, shaking his head, says, "Oh, you're gonna hate Saturdays."
roflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmao

 

Blank Page Printer....................Just what you all need, Right

http://img130.imageshack.us/img130/4299/screenhunter1xf2.jpg

 

This is for blondes, right? LOL

 

Bush..........Just makes you proud to be American

http://img514.imageshack.us/img514/3849/screenhunter2qk5.jpg

 

Smart Dog


A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them.

The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog.

"His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."

The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search."

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy." He turned to the other man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent, "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

 

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE:


Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations


Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service " a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies
are doing to us.

 

Timmie’s Bus Trip

Timmie’s senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington , IA , to Branson , MO. As they entered Missouri , an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old whacko’s, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too. The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles. "Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.

Timmie says "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it., it runs away..!!"

 

There's two guys playing golf, behind a couple of slow women. After a few holes, the men decide one of them needs to tell the women to either hurry up, or let them play through. Well, one begins to walk down there. However, he turns around when he gets halfway there, and comes back. "I can't do it," he says. "That's my wife and my mistress down there. You'll have to go down and talk to them." So the second man begins to walk down there, but just like the first one, turns around at about halfway, and comes back to the tee. He looks at the first man and says, "Small world."

 

Bloke goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor, I keep getting these terrible headaches !"

Doctor replies, "Take these, then come back and see me in two weeks."

Man says, "Come off it, I'll never be able to swallow those, look at the size of them !"

Doctor replies, "No, you don't swallow them, you stick them up your back passage".

Two weeks later the same man is back.

Doctor asks, How did you get on then ?"

Man replies, "Not very good, I'm still getting the headaches. I haven't got a back passage, so I put them in the conservatory instead, don't worry, I kept the curtains closed. But for all the good they did me, I may as well have shoved them up my arse"

 

Great one Jimmy and Welcome to the MG Funnies

 

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Thanks to Apple, now everyone is happy!!

 

Hey MK was getting worried, havn't seen you. Saw you were on this am. one of us has been missing, perhaps was me zzz :wave

 

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the
>custody of their children posed a problem.
>
> The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since
>she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody
>of them.
>
> The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for
>his side of the story.
>
> After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and
>replied:
>
> "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes
>out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"
>

 

I used to say I LOST the custody battle, I got all the kids!

 

Harsh You Say?

There will be no special bilingual programs
in the schools, no special ballots for elections,
all government business will be conducted
in our language.

Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote
no matter how long they are here.

Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold
political office.

Foreigners will not be a burden to the
taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps,
no health care, or any government
assistance programs.

Foreigners can invest in this country,
but it must be an amount equal to
40,000 times the daily minimum
wage.

If foreigners do come and want to buy
land that will be okay, BUT options will
be restricted.
You are not allowed waterfront property.
That is reserved for citizens naturally
born into this country.

Foreigners may not protest; no
demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag,
no political organizing, no bad-mouthing
our president or his policies, if you do you
will be sent home.

If you do come to this country illegally,
you will be hunted down and sent straight
to jail.
Harsh, you say?

These are the immigration laws of
" MEXICO."

 

The PERFECT Excuse
Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My doctor says I suffer from
Anal Glaucoma."

Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"

Employee: "I just can't see my *** coming to work!"

 

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and
leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank
you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay
his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and
leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card
and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business"
and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and
leaves the shop.

{Get ready - You're going to laugh out loud}

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
left and right.


Hillbilly Mirror


After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life,
An old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image
Staring back at him.
"How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he
remembered his wife, didn't like his father.
So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for
the fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the Barn and found
the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed,

"So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

 

this has probably been posted before but it's too funny not again



To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called (not in all cases!)
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

 

The typical primitive humor we've come to expect of our Republicans.
LOL
abri

 

Some English Language Definations


Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall

Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage

Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with

Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living

Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist

Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does

Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot

Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots

Paradox \par'-u-doks\: two physicians

Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm

Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with

Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV

Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring

Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife

Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six

Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does

Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man

Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official

 

meandog,
The definitions are great! Good for people who hear more than see words.
I like them very much!
LOL
abri

 

Wouldn't it be nice if:
whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?

 

You can Musksnipe its called "Retirement"

 

A woman goes to the doctor and explains that she thinks there might be something wrong with her because she's been single for years, and can't seem to find a boyfriend. The doctor, who happens to be Japanese, says, "Get undressed and then get on your hands and knees on the floor".

Despite this rather strange request, the woman does as she's asked.

Very soon, the doctor, who is by now standing behind her, says, "Ah yes, I know what it is, you've got EdZachary disease !"

"What ?" asks the patient, "I've never heard of that one before, what does it mean ?"

The doctor replies, "It's when your arse and your face look EdZachary the same !"

rolleyes

 

I know what it is actually I prefer Journey