Just Wondering...

any of you here is/was/thinking of going into relationship therapy or counseling? My partner asks that of me - I'm not sure if it will help us. Been wanting to end things for personal differences.

 

Counseling can be good if you both are committed to following the advice given even though you may not like the advice. I haven't had it but a very close friend was heading for a marriage breakdown and there were two children involved. They had counseling and discovered from the independent and impartial counselor that they both were equally to blame and their personalities were tending to antagonise the other partner causing adverse spiteful reactions and long lasting acrimonious arguments. Neither partner would budge from their course of action as they were sure the other person was in the wrong so these fights often lasted weeks or remained in the background to be brought up again and again in subsequent arguments.
The counselor helped them plot a course of actions and responses for both sides which limited nasty and hurtful verbal jibes from both parties as well as got them to think about how their actions would affect the other partner and what effect it was having on their two young children and these strategies reduced the arguments and created harmony and they are still happy together after 20 something years.
Seeing the amount of fighting between them in the first couple of years after they got married, I thought they would definitely end up divorced but the counselor stopped them acting like spiteful spoiled children trying to get their own way and so for them counseling was a very successful course of action. Without the counseling they would have separated and probably not learned anything from their experience because they both believed they were doing the right thing so they may have had the same troubles with their new partners thus ensuring an ongoing cycle of spiteful and acrimonious arguments. Counseling broke this cycle and gave them insight on how to be considerate of other people's feelings.
I hope this related experience helps you and good luck

 

Does that mean that even if I go through with this counseling thing, that I will still think about ending it? My partner keeps on sending me sources from "bonafide" websites about how this thing can help us - even sent me a link coming from the CDC and other government science studies. I still have the love. It's still there but I'm just tired of all the bull$hit. No third party, from my end. It's just that I lost something, I don't understand - I can't explain further. Money, kids, past life... it's hard man.

 

From your attitude it seems you are looking for any reason not to have counselling so there will probably be a poor outcome. Your partner seems committed to try and save the relationship as she is the main driving force trying to have counselling and is reaching out to you to try to solve the problems together.
Here is a valuable insight ........you can't have counselling and just be a passenger along for the ride, you actually have to make changes to the way you live your life and your attitude and so will your partner.

So I will play the devil's advocate and ask the hard question. Do you really want to save your relationship or are you just looking for a lame excuse to escape. I guess the ball is in your court...........

 

As what i've said on top... (Been wanting to end things for personal differences). But, ok will give it a try and see where it lead us.

 

Good on you. Now if you give it a real go and you both listen to the advice and things work out then won't that be great to be having a happy future together
Of course there will still be the occasional challenge but that is just part of life and living
Best wishes and good luck for the future