Keeping the geeks updated

Hey guys,
I know I mentioned offhand somewhere about my Dad being pretty ill, but I figured it would be a good idea to let you all know what's up, and put in my plea for prayers (from those of you who do that )

Dad's cancer is back with a vengeance. He had bladder cancer a year and a half ago, and had to have his bladder removed. He'd been functioning well with a stoma, even did some travelling with my Mom. When he went back for a check-up this past September, they found a spot on his lung. He had part of his lung removed in October, started chemo in November or December, and then went back for a second dose after Christmas, but had some levels that weren't right. They wanted to do some tests before they continued the chemo at which time they found that the cancer had spread once again. Spots on his lung and also on his kidney. His kidneys were about to shut down, but they put in a stent and drained his right kidney. Things have been going from bad to worse, and now it's looking like we're getting closer to the end. He had a build-up of fluid around his lungs and blood clots in his lung which landed him in ICU this past weekend. He had been sleeping in his office chair since Christmas, because it was uncomfortable to lay down. I flew out to be with my folks today (am currently here in Philly) and will be staying for a couple of weeks to help them out.

Things were better today than they've been all weekend. He's stabilized and was moved out of ICU. They've changed his pain medication so he's functioning better, not too doped up and not in so much pain. He'll probably be coming home on Friday, and will have some in home nursing care. He's himself again, but very tired. He dozes off during conversations pretty regularly, but he definitely understands what's going on. Originally I thought I was coming out to witness the end, but now, I think he could continue on like this for a while (meaning a few more months). Still, he's not going to get any better than this. We're moving toward the end.

My Mom (and I think Dad too) is hoping that Dad and I can convert some of the family slides on the computer, and touch up and enhance them. I'll be doing my best on that project. Kinda neat to think about working together with my Dad on that - we've had some rough spots over the years, but have been both working to improve our relationship the last few. This'll be a nice legacy to leave, especially since they're slides of my baby pictures

I guess I would just ask that you'd all be praying for us during this time. I miss Eric and the kids. It's a long time to be away from them, and we've already been going through a lot as a family with Kolya's seizures last month (BTW, everything looks good, and she's being weaned off the medicine - Drs are chalking it up to a bad flu virus). It's hard to see my Dad so weak and in pain like this. I've lost all 4 of my grandparents, but I was younger or lived far away and didn't see the process. I've never been this close to someone while they are dying. Pray that I'd be a good help to my family. Mom is doing really well. She is really at peace.

Thanks everyone. There's a bunch of you who've been really great friends to us over the last couple of years, and I wanted to make sure I let you know what was going on. I'll do my best to check in here and there.

Cindy

 

Our thoughts are with you cindysnoopy

My wife and I went through this with her mother4 years ago, we know it is not easy. Luckily my wife and her mother reconciled their differences before it was over.
She still says the best times she had with her mom were those last 4 months, so yes, make the most of the time you have with him. It won't all be fun & games by any means, but it will be worth it

Thoughts and Prayers to You & Your's

scorcer

 

You've been in my thoughts and prayers since you mentioned you were going back, and that he wasn't doing well.

It won't be easy, or all fun, but I know your presence there helps both of your parents, and the time together and the memories will be priceless treasures in the future. Enjoy what you can of it, I know you'll be doing all you can for your folks. The bad memories of the past are past, and thankfully, things are better now. The present and what future you have together are what's most important. I know you'll make the best of it.

God bless you, all.

 

Oh Cindy...I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's health. When you mentioned he was ill I had said to Chris that I thought maybe it was a case of the cancer coming back...I so wish I had been wrong.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as always...hang in there and enjoy the time you have there with him. Sounds like you'll have a blast doing the picture stuff...a walk down memory lane with your dad...how kewl is that?

Thanks for the update on Kolya too! That is GREAT news! You and Eric must be so relieved....I know we are! lol

*HUGS* and hang in there ok?
Teresa & Chris

 

My prayers also go out to you and your family. Making that slide show will be rewarding in many ways.
I've been thinking about making each of my children one of our family, but haven't started yet.

Take care.
Gal

 

Not a lot that I can say Cindy that hasn't already been said. So I am just gonna send a

* BIG HUG*

 

Sorry to hear about your father , Cindy.. My thoughts are with you and your family. Hugs all around!

 

Cindy Lou,

I miss you my friend! I hope you're doing well. Remember, you can call me anytime you want to. I don't care what time it is. If you need to chat, you have my number

 

Cindy, I'm so sorry to hear about your dads health problems. Me and my family here in Le Roy will be praying for his comfort and for your strength. If there is anything else that my wife Jean and I can do please do not hesitate to call on us. Keep the faith girl, God will see you through this rough time as you well know.


Jack

 

Spending time with your Dad is the greatest gift you can give him, your mother and yourself. Although it is hard, some of the most precious moments in your life will occur during this time - make the most of it.

Love and Prayers - WW

 

Thanks everyone for all the love, prayers and support (and virtual hugs ) It's been a good experience so far. Dad is *crossing my fingers* coming home tomorrow, and we've got the hospital bed in his den along with some other home care type stuff. I've been able to make myself useful by running errands for Mom and being a sounding board for ideas. I think it's nice for her to just have someone around to talk to about all this stuff.

I've been reading a book by Henri Nouwen called "Our Greatest Gift" about dying and caring for someone while they're dying. He talks about the process of dying as a gift. At first, it was a complete mystery to me how dying could be a gift (unless of course people are glad that you're gone! lol!) but one of the examples he brings up is how it brings the people around you closer together. There's a bond that is formed in celebrating the person's life and mourning their deterioration together as well. I've really felt that closeness with my Mom. It's been really amazing how we've been thinking along the same lines with so many things. I know that I'm helping lift some of the burden off of her. I don't think we're as close to the end as we previously had thought (Mom says that he's improved 300% since this weekend) and my being here now is probably a much needed break for her in the middle of this journey. I'm really doing my best to look for those "gifts" in the midst of a trying time. I'm really at peace about all this, though I know that it helps that Dad is doing relatively well.

Tomorrow they will be checking to see how fast the fluid around his lungs is accumulating, and will be deciding how they'll handle the draining of that. We're hoping that whatever it is, it is something that allows him to be fairly mobile. He is very uncomfortable laying down, and prefers to sit up in a chair even moreso than the hospital bed. Today in the hospital, he was up and around a fair bit with a walker. He's tired a lot. Has to rest his eyes during conversations, and dozes off occasionally. He's on a lot of pain meds, and his mind isn't quite as quick, but he's very determined. It's been such a comfort to be here and to see it all for myself. I will definitely enjoy this time that we have. I think it's a gift for all of us that I'm able to be here and able to share the good and the bad with my family. (thanks Eric and Bethy for taking the kids so I can do this!)

 

Glad to hear that it's going well, for such a time. Don't count on a quick ending. An uncle of mine, with terminal cancer, was predicted to be dead more than a year ago. A minister all of his life, he was involved in hospice for a period, but has improved some, and is quite capable of getting around on his own, and has ended up helping with the hospice program. On pain meds himself, having good days and bad, and will no doubt eventually take his own turn, but he's finding it very rewarding to help and encourage others, and feels quite rightly that God isn't done with him yet.

 

Well, we had a great weekend with Dad at home. He was getting around the house pretty well, eating well and even got a really good night's sleep on Sunday night. Unfortunately, Monday morning he woke up in pain and short of breath from all the pain. I was out picking up the car from the mechanics, and Mom called to tell me that Dad needed to go back to the hospital. I rushed home and Mom had called an ambulance. They brought him in to the local hospital which is just a few minutes away from our house. Fortunately, his Dr's all work out of both this and the other hospital that he'd been going to, so it worked out well.

They got his pain under control and discovered that at the site of the pain, there is a possible infection. It's from his surgery back in October. Also, when the Dr came to see us, he was very apologetic, but let us know that there was a miscommunication when Dad left the hospital last weekend, and the fluid that they had removed from around his lung does indeed contain cancer cells. So here we are. Dad is going to be starting hospice care, and Mom is taking her family medical leave from work so she can stay here at home with him. The Dr estimated 2-3 months, give or take.

Overall, we're doing alright with the news. We had all been pleasantly surprised when we heard that it hadn't spread, and my Mom wouldn't have let them put the drain in for the lung fluid had she known that the cancer had spread that far. Now, we see that the drain has brought him a lot of relief and we're glad that it's there. Mom keeps saying, "things happen for a reason."

I'm still not sure of my timetable here. I think I would like to stick it out for another week, just to enjoy him while he's at his best, since it looks like it's only going downhill from here. Then I'd like to come back out closer to the end to be able to help out and be here.

Dad and I have not seen eye to eye most of my life. We've really made peace the last few years, and I'm so glad to be here for him. This time has done wonders for our relationship. Today at the hospital, I was going to run home and get some things for him from home including pillows to make him more comfortable. He said, "no, wait a bit, I'd rather have you around for moral support" It may not sound like much, but between that, and a few times that he's looked at me with real love and appreciation in his eyes, this has been really healing for me.

Thanks again for your prayers,
Cindy


PS, keep an eye on Eric, would you? I heard that he got pretty rowdy the other night.

 

praying for you and yours, cindy.

 

Hang in there cindy

You have to expect these ups & downs

It is good to hear that you & your dad are having some special moments, you WILL treasure them and I'm sure he IS treasuring them now.

Hospice will help your family immensely, ours was an angel who was with us all the way. I don't know how they do it.

scorcer

 

Thanks for the update Cindy. I'm glad you're able to be there, as it's good for all of you no doubt, your Mom included. Still praying for you all.


I've got a spotting scope on the roof pointed north, and Eric's been reasonably well behaved so far.

 

Wow, now I'm wondering what else I've missed.
So sorry to hear about your dad Cindy, I hope you all can enjoy as much time as possible together.
I'm glad you have both gotten closer/buried some disagreements, nobody needs regrets hanging over them.

Well, stay Cindy. Sending you hope and hugs for the coming months.

 

My prayers and thoughts are with you as you go thru this. I am so glad your dad and you have made amends over the years. You will never regret spending time with your parents now. As others have mentioned, little things that happen and are said (or unsaid) at this time will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Make sure you take time for yourself, though, as their will be days it is overwhelming. Hospice is wonderful. I can't say enough about the "angels" that come to help out. They are wonderful unselfish people.

Thanks for keeping us updated and please take care.
Gal

 

Cindy, my prayers are with you and and your family.

Philipians 1.6

 

Cindy you have no idea! Eric, Marty and Fathead were in your room and they were just tearing the place apart! Jesse and I had to step in and calm them all down by threatening to take away their binoculars if they didn't behave.

 

Well guys, every time I think that everything is settling down and I should head back to Chicago, it all gets shaken up again. This morning I went to the hospital to help with getting Dad home. We were going to be meeting with the hospice nurse and starting hospice as soon as he got home. He had been doing pretty well all week at the hospital, they had gotten the pain under control and determined that the pain was not coming from any treatable "peripherals". The pain is coming from the tumor which has now spread into his bones. When I got to the hospital, Dad was in the worst pain that I've seen him in the entire time I've been here. I went 2-3 times to get him a little boost of pain meds, but it didn't seem to be doing much. The nurses said that once we got him home he would be in much better shape, that hospice would provide much better meds for him, that they had limitations of what they could give him there in the hospital. Finally, as we were waiting for the paramedics to come and get him, he said, "Cindy, if can knock me out, that would be ok." I practically ran to the nurses station. The nurse said that she'd see what she could do. Really, I can't say enough good things about the nurses that we dealt with there. They got him what he needed as fast as they could. She got him some Atavan (I think that's what it was) and he was able to settle down for the ride home in the ambulance. His 2 nurses hugged me as we were leaving and they both had tears in their eyes. We got him to the house and into his recliner and got him some more meds. After a while, he settled down and wasn't so restless. So here we are. The hospice nurse examined him, and in 4 days his prognosis went from, "months rather than weeks" to "every day is a gift." So here we are, making Dad as comfortable as possible. I was hoping to head back to Chicago on Tuesday, but I'm going to stick around and see this through. Honestly, it may very well be over by Tuesday. It's been really fast. Way faster than any of us expected. The cancer had just been so aggressive.

So, the call goes out again. Please pray for my family and I. Poor Eric is having a hard time being Mom and Dad to 2 sick kids. He's got a lot of help, but help isn't Mom. Pray for my Mom and I. We're at the point where he needs constant care. Mom is going to be sleeping on the couch tonight in case he needs anything. I'm just trying to take anything off her shoulders that I can. Today was really exhausting.

 

There comes a time in everyone's life when one has to be the rock. Good luck. I hope things work out as well as they can for you Cindy. I'm sure Eric will cope.

 

I am praying for you and yours.


God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
PS 46:1-2

 

Cindy, stay, don't worry about home, don't worry about when, listen to the hospice nurse, keep him comfortable, manage his pain.

Unfortunatly, this is the voice of exsperiance, but if these words are of any help to you as YOU go through this, then it adds to the value of our path.

Lean on all of us here at MG, we are always with you in spirit.

scorcer

 

Cindy, you and your family are in my thoughts!

 

Cindy...I can offer no words that could truly comfort you during this most difficult time. I can offer only my love, support and an ear or two if you need to talk. I can call you if you'd like...we'll be gone for a bit today but otherwise I can call anytime if you'd like to talk about what you are going through or just for girl talk if you need the distraction. Email me abbysue at major geeks dot com with a phone number if you're up to it.

Other than that..our thoughts and prayers are with all of you there in Philly and with Eric and the kids in Chicago. A tough time all around for all but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even though your dad is suffering right now and it must be tearing you up to see him this way you are fortunate to be able to be there with him. I know situations like this are both physically and mentally exhausting but it's exhaustion soon forgotten being replaced with all the wonderful memories of the good times. We will pray that your dad will be at least somewhat comfortable and pain free and for continued strength for you, your mom and Eric.

Rest when you can, remember to eat and don't forget there are many who love you and if they could, would be there with you just to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on if nothing else.

Hugs!
Teresa & Chris

 

You will be in my thoughts during this tough time.

 

Thanks again everyone for the support. It's meant a lot to me to check in and know that you guys are thinking of us and praying for us.

I was up at 3:00 with Mom, because Dad's breathing changed, slightly more labored, and he was restless. We called the hospice nurse because it went on even after we gave him some meds. Mom and I sat with him and talked to him. Mom talked about when I was a baby and they snuck Dad into the hospital room and let him hold me. I could see the corner of Dad's mouth raise up a little bit, trying to smile. We had my brother come over and spend the rest of the night, because at one point, he started to try to stand up, and we didn't think that we'd be able to hold him up if he got up and fell over. His skin feels cold to the touch and he's sweating. This morning, he's not really responding to questions, even with a grunt. He hasn't been able to drink or anything since yesterday morning, so I don't think it's going to be very long now. A couple more days at the most.

I haven't felt very emotional, and I suppose that's good. At least, I'm glad that I'm not. I'm much more useful like this. I guess there will be time for being emotional later.

 

Cindy,
Please know you and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like you have good support there to help out.
Take care of yourself.

Gal

 

Cindy, I just read and posted in the other thread of Eric's.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in these sad times.

 

The feeling and emotion will likely come later, after the work is done, which can be a good thing. At the moment, you're busy doing, and heavy emotion would be an additional burden to cope with. It sounds like you're doing great,condidering what you're involved with.

You've all had time to share love, share cherished memories, wrap up loose ends, say your goodbys, and be there for each other. A quick and peaceful ending would be merciful, for all of you.

There will be time to feel, and to cry, after the work is done.

Don't worry too much about Eric, and the kids. They'll cope, and they've got excellent help there too. You're where you're supposed to be, doing what you need to be doing. And doing it well. May God bless you all.

 

Just read Eric's thread on your Dad's passing. I'm so sorry you've lost him, but glad that his passing was mercifully short. He's now at rest.

May God grant that you who remain rest in peace as well. Your vigil is over. Your work is done, except for comforting each other for now. God bless you all.

 

Cindy, Sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad. You know i will say a lot of prayers for you and your family. God bless you all.