Men's opinion (ladies too if you want)

How would you feel if suddenly a man contacts you saying he was you son?
That happened to quite a few people (men) I knew and happened in their forties. Like 20 years pass high school.
One of my grandsons is in that situation. He knows the mans name, even located his phone number but can't bring himself to contact this man, fear of rejection I would guess. The man knows nothing about him. My grandson is very self sufficient, has been for years, he's in his 20's makes Very good money.
At one time he was going to start the greeting in that manner so no one would think he sought him out for any monetary reason.
I have tried to encourage him to go for it. Even if this man has a family it isn't taking anything away from anyone.

What do you think?

 

I can't imagine it would be easy, but I think I would be glad to meet a son I didn't know about. I don't have any children myself, but I do intend for that to change. All that said, it wouldn't be an easy thing for any of us. I am shy around new people, for sure.

 

He's too prepared for rejection, and like you chipper_atmacneil shy, in this case anyway

My ex was on his way back from out of town before christmas time (long ago) and called to say he would be late and briefly told me what it was about.
He had a son, denied it, forgot about it, then one day the boy wanted to meet him. When he got home he said he felt like a fool telling this young pregnant girl it was not his or she was lying.

Over the next few years the saw one another a few times, loaned him some money but the boy disappeared, ended up in prison.
Any way no problem with us over it, had too many other problems maybe rolleyes

 

I imagine it would be awesome for most fathers. Still waiting for mine-long story.
I would encourage your grandson to take the plunge and make contact so he, and his father at least know where they stand one way or the other. Mentioning what he does for a living and is doing well, early on in the conversation will solve any misunderstandings of kind you mentioned, (money). Could be the best thing he ever does, ya just never know. And yes, things can go wrong, but he will never know unless he tries.

 

I found out I had a half sister much the same way about 4 years ago. I welcomed it and I tried to be the glue in relations between my family, my sister (and her kids). It wasn't easy and I'm really the only one who talks to her. My parents don't really want anything to do with her, but my mother did try .. maybe too hard .. to include her.

 

Well, most guys would freak out if a kid just showed up. Be kinda cool to have one show up that is self sufficient and grown up like your grandson!

There is a chance I have a daughter. If I do, I would love to meet her!

I don't know if I will ever know. :cry:cry

The things you do when you are young are just well stupid. I excelled at stupid.

E

 

Young and Stupid just naturally go together

 

If your grandson could get his address, writing to him first might be a better idea darlene.

I think that way i could take it all in and deal with it better.

As you said, the fear of rejection would be my biggest fear.

 

I feel he should make contact, I know that if I had a child that I did not know about I would like to meet him/her. I am not sure if my 5 children would agree with me but I an sure I would get support from my wife.

 

Well I'm surprised, kinda expected some related experiences, instead I seemed to drudge up some sorrow. I am so sorry for that and do hope things work out the way you want.

I didn't intend to nag him about it. He asked me if I thought it was a good idea, I said of course, but never played out. Pity too cuz he seem so interested in his ancestry on my side of the family, was real excited to learn what he did. He said it gave him a sense of belonging to something.
I just hope he does it before it's too late, anyone of us can be taken out in a flash.

A good reason to love and live now.

 

I know this seems to be kind of resolved, but still wanted to toss a quick two cents in. If the 'child' is the one contacting first, then I think that 'dad' should go for it.

My only concern would be if 'mom' came to 'dad' and told him, "Oh by the way, this is your son now that he's all grown up" I would be wondering what he had been told about 'dad' for all those years. Don't want to mess up relations with whoever was in the 'dad' place while the 'child' was growing up.

Just my thoughts. Hope it all works out for the best in the end

~C

 

You said women too..
It would depend on the man , his age, maturity and the type of relationship he has with his wife. However, a good man , one with integrity I believe would be happy to meet a son as you have described your grandson! I think he should go for it. If his dad his worth his salt he might be upset at first, however, he would come around and he would most likely have a wife who would understand.
If she did not she needs to ck herself. I had a similar situation, my former spouse had a wife who cheated on him all the time. Well turns out she had an affair with his BF while he was out to sea. He accepted the child even when he found out years later it was not his, she had told the child and all the other kids, just not him!
This is different, but, his new wife does not accept the son, she barely accepts his full bio kids. Says more about her. So, if he does not accept your grandson it speaks volumes about him.
Good luck!

 

No not resolved at all CT, any discussion welcome

His mother (my daughter) was in her teens at the time and wasn't completely truthful as to who the father was, for one reason my ex husband with his temper ,you could watch the vanes pop out in his neck, so I imagine she was scared he would go after him (even though she was 18) So no one new for years, and apparently she wasn't all that involved with the father to begin with so never bothered to tell him.

 

@ ladyraven, thanks for your input

 

I am so sorry. It is hard. I had my daughter at 18, and my dad had a temper too, so I understand her not telling him all along.
I hope this works out, he sounds like a fantastic young man, if I was a man I would be so happy to meet a son like your grandson. IT shows what a wonderful mother your daughter was to raise a grandson like him!
Please let me know how this goes.....I am here to listen or help in any way I can.