Random Banter

I don't post a whole lot in the forums anymore, and it's not for any reason. I've opened a Facebook account, and while I only really have the ability to type in volume while I am at the office (still using my PS3 for the internet, and the keyboard is a pain) that takes up enough of my day, that I can't really dedicate too much time to the forums.

Life for me is settling into a series of routines, some I intentionally try and break, and others I am comfortable with. For example, I eat at the same places every week, on certain nights. I can usually tell someone, down to the minute when I will be somewhere, and where I will be. I like that, not that I have a following or anything, but it makes me available, for anyone who'd like to find me I guess.

I've taken my philosophy of "I'd rather break your heart, than lie to you." to a new level. Brutal honesty though, sometimes comes at a cost. Though, when there is nothing to lose, the cost is most of the time worth it. I've spent the time since my filing for divorce, trying to make new connections in my life, friends mostly... I feel, well I know I don't need to be out looking for a relationship. In fact, the longer I am on my own, and the less stressful my life becomes, I'm not in any hurry to go out and find anyone else to contribute to, or stand in the way of what I am creating for myself. Sure, there is something to having someone around (thanks again, LauraR) but there is also something to being oneself, without influence from anyone, taking things as they come, and dealing with them on your own. I think it's making me a stronger person, or more callous... But either is fine for me at the moment.

I've stopped (not that I was big on it to begin with) being concerned with the thoughts of others, and though I'm a good listener, and a caring friend, I stand on my own, I prosper on my own, I rely on myself.. Positive, or negative influence from outside does very little to change the course which I have set myself upon.

Friends, I have learned, come and go. Some friends come and go, repeatedly.. I don't have much time for those friends. I've always been the kind of person to give one shot to someone. Either you're in or you're out. In either a friendship or a relationship, if you'd rather not be a part of it, I'm not going to try and change your mind. Sure, I have asked people not to do this, or that.. Don't leave, don't eat raw beef.. But people are ultimately going to do what they want. If asking someone not to do something, causes them not to do it, chances are that they were not going to in the first place. It's like someone with a weapon, you can hold a shovel over your head as long as you want.. The longer it's up there, the less likely you are to use it.

My weekends are full of things to do, while my weeknights are the opposite. If I don't leave the house on my own during the week, I stay home. That's great though, I like nothing more than going to a familiar restaurant, having a small talk conversation with a familiar waitress, and going home. The weekends, I tend not to like so much, going out with family somewhere, and sitting around as a DD while I watch everyone drink all night. It's fun, until about midnight, when people stop knowing what they are talking about. I guess that comes with the alcohol though. I've done it too, I just don't make a habit of it.

Sadly, by the time it's not fun to converse with the people I am out with, all the people I would talk to on the phone, calling or texting have gone to bed.. Which makes me think, maybe I am after friends on the wrong side of the country. A few Californian friends, and I'd have 3 more hours of entertainment. LOL

I'm very outspoken, more so that I have been in the past (which is hard to believe) I went to eat last week, and I had a waitress that I'd never seen before, which is becoming a rarity for me. She sat me & gave me a menu. I told her I didn't need it, I ordered Chili and a drink, which is my normal for this place.. She tells me "Oh, you're easy. I like that." and my immediate response was "I'm also vulnerable." LOL but she got a kick out of it. I ended up with a $5 bill, and tipped $10, so she really didn't have anything to complain about. I like to tip heavy, I think the waitresses remember me then, and it makes the experience more enjoyable the more I return.

At the office, I have an Associates Degree, in Specialized Technology. I do Computer Aided Drafting and Design, and have been at it for a decade. They keep trying to hire people to help out, another drafter could be nice. But they don't last long. I end up getting to finish what they started before they left.. It's like learning a new language every time they bring someone in. There's not just one way to do the drawings.. So I have my way, and I have to figure out what the other persons way was, and continue their drawings as they started them. I don't mind, but really, it'd be more productive to stop hiring people, and just let me do my thing, it gets a little tiresome from time to time.

Anyhow, I'm just putting that out there, I realize that there's not too much that can be used as a continuation to this thread.. But I liked typing it, and though I could have made it an email to someone.. I wouldn't know who to point it at.. So, the genpop will have to do. :cool

 

Hey there, Pax. sounds like you are comfortable with your life. Nothing wrong with that. Not a thing.. Also, there is a difference between 'friends' and 'users' ... You have obviously seen both. At least you know enough to know how to tell them apart.

Someday, when you least expect it, 'she' will walk into your life, and you will know. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will know when it happens. Don't be in a rush, just live your life, and live it the way you want too.... You don't have to beg anyone to do or not do anything. You are your own boss. You answer to you..

Best of Luck to you in your future endeavors. Whatever they may be.

 

Great advice TeeCee

Paxton.... life is what you make it. The realization that you are in your comfy zone makes it a great thing. I myself live a Zen type way. I love my life and appreciate being just alive.

Shelagh