THANK you... REALLY

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since ! they are French and don't support our troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from **** with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

 

*scratches while reading Wenchie's posting*

ROFL...nice one Wenchie

 

That's beautiful!

 

There are a number of people here I thought might appreciate it.

 

Funny, and maybe true. I think that the Saran wrap induces female hormones into the food that is heating though, not necessarily causing cancer, maybe just unwanted breasts.

 

LOL the internets.

 

I'm one, for sure. Thanks.

 

Very funny....thanks

 

Funny one, Wenchie. I have a few people that I get regular "helpful" emails from that will be getting this in return next time.

Check this link out, Sibeer.

http://www.snopes.com/toxins/plastic.htm

 

Can we expand this to happen to ALL lawyers?

 

The ultimate solution for spammers. Nothing else seems to work.

http://forums.majorgeeks.com/showthread.php?p=622139#post622139

 

Wenchie,

I'm shocked to hear that you haven't received your $15,000.00 check from AOL yet. Mine arrived the next day after forwarding an email about Polar Bears suffering from the current heatwave to my closest friends. Strange thing is I got an email from a lawyer wanting $15,100.00 for doing an address search for AOL pertaining to this. His email sounded foreign and he mentioned itching!

 

Shall we discuss the zimbabwean dethroned prince whom you can support for merely $10,000? You'll get a million dollars in return and a free ipod...

 

My all time favorite is the free John Deere tractor.

And I am not in a state where 32 teeth is a family get together, either!

 

OMG . . . . . . It happened . . . It did!!! Damn that large bird; Damn those flea infested camels . . . What's worse, I have no idea how to get the freakin' 1000 camels out of my back yard!! THAT was NOT part of the curse, missy! I demand a do-over!

 

Anybody that sends me one………a few days later, I’ll send a return and let them down with some good vibes………that email you sent me……….I broke the chain, and that luck you were looking for, it’s gone……….

………..a wild part of those emails, is that everybody cuts and pastes, and you get to see people from all over the world…….wobbles

 

Breasts are never unwanted.

 

LMAO

The funny thing is...what we have been doing for years is discoverd to be bad...and then tomorrow...they'll reverse it back to good!!

 

You can get hurt laughing at those 'I no longer'............

 

Wenchie, nice collection of curses there

It never ceases to amaze me the way certain/most people seem to assume that just because they're unique it makes them singular, and if only they believe something hard enough......................something difficult, something....say, too hard to think, then the fact of Life will change.

Yet change is the Fact of Life, thankfully

My best to you and yours

 

They are if they're on me. I mean if they're attached to me, you know...man-boobies.