The Lady's Room

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but t here isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crump led tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door , hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

 

It is so great being a man. LOL

Good one, Darlene

 

LoL! Public toilets are a conspiracy to spread all kinds of alien diseases and tortures, imo. ~ Some of the men's toilets are pretty horrific, too. Hence I avoid, avoid usage of them at all costs.

 

Funny one Darlene after I stopped laughing :-D realized this is a forum to find solutions to all problems and this could be a cry for help so after many, many days of research I have found the answer :celebrate

The P-Mate is disposable paper device which enables women to urinate easily while standing up.

P-Mate enables women to urinate easily while standing up via a disposable paper device. Launched 4 years ago, it is now in common usage in Europe and is a convenient, hygienic, portable, leak proof, discreet, no-brain solution to the bad sanitary and problematic circumstances faced by women all over the world. No more long queues outside female toilets anymore!

.http://www.mynetcity.com/blog/wp-images/Whizbiz.jpg

How to use P-Mate
1. Simply pop open the P-Mate, move your underwear aside, and place the cupped opening against your body under the flow area between your legs.

2. Tilt hips so funnel faces slightly downwards. Relax and pee.

3. Dispose of in the garbage.


“This is a revolutionary product that has taken Europe by storm,” said Karen Diamond, president of Go Your Way. “It allows women to pee standing up, just like the boys, giving a whole new slant on equal rights for women. It can easily fit into your pocket or handbag, so it goes with you wherever you go.”

She explained that it can be used when there are no toilets available such as when camping or hiking, or when the toilet is just too filthy to sit on. The invention is great for traveling, during pregnancy or during any outdoor activity, in addition to being a big help for a woman giving a urine sample at a clinic, hospital or doctor’s office. P-Mate is discreet, hygienic, environmentally

For more information

http://www.impactlab.com/2006/05/11/new-device-allows-women-to-pee-while-standing/

 

Well the P-Mate sounds like a soulution to a big problem while on the other hand could cause others - allows you to go anywhere and dispose in the garbage
and besides, I would find a way to spill on myself :cry

 

Yes, but now you can use the mens room!

 

Like that's never happened :-D
Besides no rooms required, pee out in the parking lots of liquor stores just like the guys. rolleyes

 

That was you? :confused

LOL

 

Okay. I realize this has nothing to do with what everyone else is chatting about, but I am desperate. I came here looking for answers. I have issues with my windows updates, true there are a zillion everyday now, apparently many of them are crucial for my computer. I continue to get an error message, I don't recall the number, sorry, but it is telling me the downloads could not be completed. Another concern I have, is my entire sound system on my computer and through my speakers. I can't download new devises or updates, and without my "windows" updates being current, my programs are all becoming out of date. I have troubleshooted my sound issues and so far everything checks out and I get a message telling me that they are okay. I am not computer litterate, as much as I try, it just doesn't stick to me. Please can somebody help me?

... and please don't be angry with me if I have posted incorrectly. Thanking you in advance. : I

 

Ignore the man behind the curtain.
But like he said go here: Software and look for the New Thread button in the top left of the page.
And Welcome to the MG Ladies Room. :-D

 

Well I sure know what I'm going to get before I go camping this fall ... :-D I won't tell any of the other woman about it ... I'll let them sit on a cold and damp log.

 

They require a log? Shoot...I grew up camping, I can pee anywhere. roflmao

 

Darn it!!! :cry

 

Oh lord when I was a kid, used to swim in the creek, we would go in the bushes and wipe with leaves, lucky it wasn't poison oak :innocent

 

...Or simply use an old plastic funnel. ~Old camping wives trick LOL. Is also reusable. But one can't use the bigger funnels - unless you're built really funny rolleyes.

 

I'm learning new things everyday ! LOL