Things a boy should know.

I'm a role model again. My wife and I took our three year old nephew to a park out of town. All facilities there are shut down for the winter, and of course he has to go pee. He started fussing because he wanted a toilet and didn't understand the concept of peeing on a tree (single mom). I showed him how and away he went. He needs to figure out yet that he doesn't need his pants around his ankles to do it. It is cold here. Now he knows he can do this at home too. I warned his mom not to talk to him while he's peeing, because he will turn to talk to her.

 

Always good when a boy starts to become a man

 

I would love a catheter and a colostomy bag.

Then you wouldn't have to get up and go to the bathroom.


Even better, a nurse (female) in uniform and fishnet stockings regularly checking my vitals.

 

My mother has one. Trust me. You don't want to go there.

 

I had a cathetor once... Hurt like hell when they took it out... Heard it's worse going in... Thank god I was under anesthesia when it went in....

 

Knowing you Anhedonic, you would have sold the catheter on eBay.

 

When a fellar's gotta go, he's gotta go. Good job sibeer.

Steve

 

Are you saying you'd like to bid on one of my future cathetors?

 

No thanks, I have some left over from my working with animals days.

The fun bit isn't just putting them in, it's blowing up that little balloon at the end that holds them in.

Too much air and......


Notice when Matacumbie joins this conversation it turns into catheters and colostomy bags.

 

Went camping, told a couple of younger boys, it was ok to pee on the trees…..a few weeks back at home, their mother got a whiff, from the kids bedroom………one of the boys, was peeing in the corner of the bedroom………..when asked, if the other was doing it too? No, mom, I’m peeing on the tree, in the back yard…………..wobbles

 

Yes, I remember trying to define why it is ok to pee on a tree in the middle of nowhere, but you really should use the bathroom, not the back yard at home The hard shoulder on the M5 is quite a challenge too!

Good job sibeer!

 

Based on an informal survey back a while, a couple of friends and I determined that guys would rather pee outside if it's an option whether there's a washroom or not. Should I start a poll?
@star17 Great pic. Where did you learn about writing in the snow living in Florida

 

I say outside...you don't have to use such precise aiming...and if your sight is off a bit...you don't have to wipe the seat!!

Roger

 

Solution....pee when you are drunk! Most guys are perfect at hitting a moving target...it's when they are sober and the toilet is stationery that they tend to miss the target

And yes...I did a poll of guys to gain this information lol

 

Lev, you're just jealous.


I use GPS co-ordinates and laser guidance. I never miss.

Actually, I'd rather not get up at all to take a leak.

A catheter or a contraption like what the astronauts use would be great.

That way, I could dedicate more time to MajorGeeks.

 

Did you ever watch The Full Monty?

Women can do it standing up too ya know!

 

Maybe, but at least we don't have to contort or twist ourselves to aim.

Ours is fully directional and automatic, and adapts to the weather.

 

Just go steady on that rapid fire feature!!

 

As long as the afterburner doesn't kick in.


I can see Matacumbie reading this as I type.

Funny how he is attracted by this topic.

 

Did somebody say peepee?

You know, our's can also function as a brain from time to time.

Steve

 

That's because it IS your brain muahahaha

 

Mine has physic abilities among others.

It always knows what I'm thinking. It's uncanny.

 

LOL.

Steve

 

~Andy Rooney voice~ Ever notice there's a 92% probability of any thread Insomniac visting becoming corrupt? Ever wonder it may be because he lives in Australia and to us is considered upside down on the planet and all the blood may have rushed to his head? Ever wonder if the crush he has on Matacumbie is for real or just a canard? Ever wonder if he prefers Goobers or Raisinets? Ever wonder what the hell I'm talking about? /end Andy Rooney voice


P.S. Steve, empty your PM box...we can talk about him behind his back

 

Sorry about that chief

Steve

 

For Billy Ray Cyrus' #1 fan, definitely Goobers.

 

What the hell is a Goober, isn't that something you pick out of your nose?


(Steve's PM box full? Yeah right, that's believable. )

 

ROFLMAO

Roger

 

http://www.candydirect.com/bars/Goobers.html

 

We don't have them here.

We do however, have chocolate coated peanuts, which we call Chocolate Coated Peanuts.


Gee you Americans are strange! I'm still trying to work out the difference between Jelly and Jello.

 

That's easy. Jello jiggles and you put it in a bowl. Jelly just sits there, and you put it on bread, biscuits, rolls, frequently with peanut butter.

 

Jelly jiggles. The stuff you put on bread with peanut butter is jam.

 

There is no difference. Jelly is British and Jello is American. They both wibble wobble

 

That's what I always thought, that Jello and Jelly were the same thing.

But why do they have Jelly and Jello in the States if they are the same thing?


Jelly is flavoured gelatine. Jello I have no idea.

 

They aren't the same thing in the States. Jelly in the UK is the same as Jello in the US. They are both flavored gelatine...wibble wobble stuff

Now...Jelly in the US is the same as Jam in the UK.......you get it in jars and you put it on bread, toast, crumpets, whatever.

It's a bit like Marmite in the UK and Veggi-mite in Australia...same thing...different names.

Come on Insomniac....keep up, cobber! Star maybe has a point about you being upside down and all the blood rushing to ya head

 

It's nothing like Marmite or Vegemite. (I hate Vegemite)

Jelly is a worldwide product, not a localised brand name like Vegemite.


So in other words, (as far as the US is concerned) Jello is flavoured gelatine and Jelly is jam.

I get it, but it's weird. Then again it's American.

What the hell is tooona fish?

I know it's tuna, but why call it tuna fish? You don't say salmon fish? We know it's a fish.

 

These posts are old however interesting.
Except how you all got (pardon that english) got from boys/men peeing on trees to a discussion of the difference between jello and jelly.
So here is my response:
boys/men pee on trees cause they can us girls have run into the need to pee out in nature however the trick is not splashing on our shoes.
As for jello and jelly:
Jelly is perserved fruit the sugar added in addition to the natural sugars in the fruit thickens it so it is spreadable and can be used for crackers peanut butter sandwichs toast bagels.
Jello is made from artificial flavoring and bones its the process from the beef bones that enables jello to jello and is made into desserts with whip creme, fruit can be added and that disgusting jello mold with vegtables but I like it best when made into jello shooters using grain alcohol instead of cold water - nutrious and delicous (pardon spelling)

 

Well, when I was in Calif., we called it jam, unless it had no pips/peel and fruit bits in it - then it was called a 'jelly'

Jello, or 'Jell-O', was technically a brand name, but I guess it distinguished desert jelly from the jam jelly variety.

Yep, Marmite, tastes way different than Vegimite, which is different again from Masterfood’s Promite.

For those that need to know, LoL!

 

I wasn't after a dictionary definition. (jewlzs)

We don't use the term jello here (because we're civilised ), so I was curious, and dictionary or precise definitions don't always accurately depict things.

 

Seriously hijacked thread.

 

Yep. Enough to 'pee' you off, heh, heh!
Sorry, I just couldn't get into the piddle habits conversation.

 

You forget your ancestry.......

I know...ouch!...but couldn't resist

@sibeer...only so much you can say about peeing, buddy (without getting banned )

 

With a 17 year old daughter in the house and only one bathroom, I some times have to still piss behind the garage on the old tree or else!!!!

 

Did you see Wife Swap the other night? (Crazy what you end up watching when your DSL is down ) This one mom only allows her kids two songs worth of time in the shower.....once the songs stop they have to come out, no matter what. Maybe you should use this method....just don't pick the instrumental versions of Freebird and Layla

 

fortunately i have managed to miss all those. there would have been a rebellion in my house if i had tried that, and not just with my daughter. my eldest son and her were about equel in their vanity, hair and body products, amount of times they changed their outfit, etc. etc. most men i know spend LONGER in the bathroom than the girls.....especially #2.......??!!??

 

We like our own smell .

 

This goes back to the conversation I had with my husband last night. How the heck can you get to fifty and still find farting funny I'm mean, it's not like you've never heard it before

He tells me women have no sense of humor....I tell we must have....we marry men

So I start telling him the same short joke 20 times and he's not laughing by the third time...(yes, it took 3 goes!). Apparently each fart sounds different, that's why it's still funny ....so I tell him the same joke in a different accent each time......still not laughing by the third hearing.

What is it with you guys

 

I dunno. Farts are more like scary, i.m.o.!



Oh, b.t.w.:- You are now Teh Yahoo Widget Wannabe - heh!, heh!

 

You just don't get it Lev.

Each fart has it's own personality, it's own smell, it's own ambiance. They're unique.

You must judge each one on it's own merits.

 

Ohhhh, trust me! I get it all right......most nights when I wake up gasping for breath and wishing I'd installed a oxygen tank on my side of the bed