Think before you speak...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? A friend emailed me these samples (hope they're not too risqué for here):

• A woman at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls was unhappy with the women's type she had been using. After browsing for several minutes, she was approached by a good looking gentleman who works at the store. He asked if he could help and without thinking, she looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men’s balls"
  
  
• Two girls passed a store at the mall that sold a variety of candy and nuts. While looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. One replied, "No thanks, I'm just looking at your nuts."
  
  
• In Michigan, USA a very embarrassed female news anchor will most likely in future think before she speaks. The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, she turned to the weatherman and asked:
  
  "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

 

I've actually seen the news 'Blooper' of that last one, which apparently actually happened.

~~~

Okay, silly (but true), anecdote time.

Yep, I do it all too often, I'm afraid. I call it "Foot in Mouth" disease. (Although I occasionally excel in the typed version (read - I.B.M., or "Idjit Before Machine", Syndrome).

I was with a female companion the other day, and I decided to pull into the service station for some more gas. The release mechanism for the fuel cap and the trunk very close together in my car, and pretty awkward (welp, that's my excuse, anyway). I was sitting in the driver's seat, bending down ant grouping for the mechanism release gadget, trying to remember which one it is, so that I don't look stoopid popping the trunk open (again).

Then it happened. She had to ask what I was doing, and I had to put my foot in it again. I just said "I’m looking for my knob", still bending down, and felling around, like 'Mr. MaGoo' rolleyes. So she starts giggling at me, and me being a bit tardy (as I do), still didn't get it, and kept asking "What?", "What's up?” Okay, so I finally found the release thang and got out to pump gas. Then my brain-box finally caught up with my mouth, and I realised what she was thinkin' . Yuppers, "Foot in Mouth' struck again!

Anyway, she thought it was cute, and I silently thought I was kinda stoopid, so all's well that ends well, right?

 

roflmao I thought I was the only one who called it that. My friend has that disease.

Although I've been known for somethings I say to come out the wrong way LOL

 

That was supposed to be and, not ant. Looks like I did it again - Bah! rolleyes

 

Along the line of past Kodoisms.....

 

@ all of you LOL

 

LOL I call mine "changing feet"...that is, I take one foot out and promptly put the other foot in...do that pretty regularly too.

When getting paint the other week, I wanted a colour sample and while the attendant was going to get some paint to show me, I asked him without looking up:
"Can you use your thingy to show me what it looks like...I want to get an idea of what I'm getting..."

I heard him retort, "do you mind if I use a stick instead?"

Still being distracted, and without thinking or looking up, I replied, "just put it on the counter for me to check it out for comparison."

When I finally looked up, he was looking down at me grinning, holding a paint wet stick and slowly shaking his head. Guess he took the micky out of me that time.

But he got the colour right!

 

Yeah...well, I let out another clanger at the same hardware shop (now attacking/painting bathroom and kitchen). This time while surveying a showcase of different toilet seats, I spotted one I liked and while pointing to it for an attendant to climb up and get it, I said:

"That one has a nice, clean, sleek shape to it...will I have any problem fitting to the current toilet bowl top? I didn't bring my measurements." (Here I meant the toilet bowl measurements. I wanted to make sure the new seat would fit the current bowl opening.)

The attendant maintained a professional demeanour but with a twinkle in his eyes answered, "the openings are standard sizes, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about fitting. Smaller than you, then you'll need a kiddy cover to avoid falling in."

I really should have thought before opening my mouth here

 

see, i dont have that problem. all the stuff I say in that manner I intended to say... because it's hysterical.

 

@ Wenchie: Ya, we would never doubt your infallibility. After all, you are a Goddess, right?


Well, I got a very 'dark' look from the girl at the Deli stand in the supermarket last night. All I wanted to do, was to buy a cooked chicken. She said "these are the last of the batch for the night, they might not be in the best condition." I had to ask "Are they stuffed?" She says "No, they're not that bad, sir!" I'm like, "Uh?" - Then the penny dropped. (All you need to know to get this is that, "Stuffed" can mean something entirely different in Aust./U.K.). Something which I should have remembered. Guess my timing was wrong, or something.

 

@Phantom

it seems that i have the same problem i type a phrase without considering the implications or maybe it's a transatlantic thing.

the Pacific nations the Americas and the Europeans are separated by a common language, my sense of humor is very close to Australians i find their forthright way of expressing their views refreshing they say it as it is without the hearts and flowers and this does not always go down well with others.

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/2144/issx8.jpg

 

Too true...glad someone understands us...we ain't all that bad if/when you get to know us...really!

 

Wish I had that kinda gumption...I find myself blushing at such blunders. Particularly when I get petulant...

We were all feeling good and warm after a lovely meal at our favourite Italian restaurant and pretty mellow after all the wine. I felt like having my favourite ice cream dessert (a "Baci"), so as the waiter was gathering up the dishes, I touched his arm and said, "Baci, ti prego"...he gave me an odd look, flushed while looking at my partner, half smiled and silently walked away.

With my dessert not coming, my friend called another waiter over and requested my dessert again...(I was the only one being a guts wanting dessert). The waiter laughed, then looking at me, said, "Oh, you meant dessert...we don't have Baci on our menu anymore."

The first waiter being new, thought I had asked him to kiss me! (Baci=kiss, ti prego=I beg of you / please)

I'll be checking the Dessert menu before ordering next time. And my friends are still laughing, asking if I've been given a sexual harrassment suit yet.

 

a slip up just came to mind.

i will not publish the whole thing as i may get in trouble.

as most of you know i am English but have lived in Belgium for many years and now speak dutch as my second language but just like English there are nuances in the way you pronounce sentences.

we were discussing how to remove a dog that had got stuck in a rabbit hole so in dutch i thought i said well lets just pull him out but in fact had referred to masturbation of the animal.

it certainly gave all present a good laugh as they told me "that could be my job"

 

@BILLMCC66 roflmao...nuances of speaking a 2nd language That's funnyLOL

 

One night we were taking a break here at the answering service, and I had my expandable baton out showing it to my coworker.

He looks at me and says, "What makes it stay up?"

I answered, "Friction."

Of course, as soon as the words had finished, we both cracked up laughing at the innuendo implied in that conversation.


~C

 

LOL I won't ask why you have a baton in your line of work.

Our coppers' batons expand when they do a whipping motion...I didn't hang around long enough during that little demo (in the "cop shop") to see how they detract them...(comments were getting too out of hand for meLOL)