Top 5 'smartass' answers of 2004

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."


Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says.........

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

 

I'm smiling.

 

I'm laughing, very much laughing!
Thanx

 

my wife got that in an email a couple days ago. . thats creepy. . .

 

Incredible, that's great especially the last one!

 

#2 is the best hahahahahaha

 

that was a chuckle

 

I liked number 4.

 

he he he....

 

That was great! Thanks for the chuckles!