What if??? Total chaos......

******* WHAT IF ********

Day 1

8am US Eastern time: Millions of workers arrive at their desks across the US and discover that there is no internet access. At first it is believed it’s only a few companies, but unbeknown to Americans the problem is worldwide.

9am: The porn industry collapses.

10am: Realising that they cannot bitch about internetlessness on Twitter, millions of calls are made from cellphones to internet service providers who can offer no answers. Technicians are on the problem.

1pm: News outlets start calling the lack of internet in America a “very, very serious problem”. It is also reported that the internet has not been working in Europe and Asia for at least a week before the problem is reported in America, proving once again that Americans have no idea what is going on outside their country. In South Africa barely anyone notices that the internet is not working. Most at first think it’s just slow service. The Department of Home Affairs reports that the internet crisis has not affected its operations. “Everything is normal for us,” says the minister.

Meanwhile, the rest of Africa is asking, “what is this internet thing?”

3pm: Reports emerge that work has stopped across America in the absence of e-mail.

Many companies implement emergency measures whereby employees are forced to communicate in person. Such programmes fail as most have no idea how to do this.

Technicians say they’re still trying to restore the internet.

7pm: President Barack Obama addresses the American people and calls for calm.

He also demonstrates live on TV how to make a call from a landline.

Networks air Baywatch and Seinfeld re-runs to distract the public. Oprah even offers to do a live broadcast.

Midnight: A gathering is staged at Silicon Valley where software developers, IT geeks and Star Wars fans commit suicide en masse.

Day 2

* Millions wake up hoping that the internet crisis was just a bad dream, but remain in bed and refuse to go to work when they realise it wasn’t.

* Wall Street doesn’t open. The director-general of the stock exchange asks, “what’s the point?”

* Everything tumbles, but fast food industry shares soar as Americans turn to their second favourite pastime in their time of difficulty.

* The makers of Valium and Prozac also report record gains.

* Youth in the UK decide that planning riots might be a good way to cure their boredom. However, barely anyone turns out to trash and destroy the streets of London as ringleaders cannot send out BBM or Facebook messages. Authorities are relieved. However, in some parts of the US, police report having to deal with cases of vandalism perpetrated by Facebook junkies and Twitterholics who begin scribbling their rambling on subway trains, bridges and walls of public buildings.

* Hospitals across the world are, meanwhile, overwhelmed with cases of neck injuries caused by people staring at their phones waiting for internet services to be restored.

* Technicians still cannot find the source of the problem.

Day 3

* Obama says that it is unclear “if” or “when” the internet will work again, but urges Americans to remain calm.

* Riots break out across the globe and the homes of telecommunication CEOs are broken into. Several of them are bitch-slapped.

* In South Africa, Julius Malema raises eyebrows by singing “Shoot the geek”.

* A group of desperate techno extremists and members of an Apple cult dig up Steve Jobs and reportedly try to resurrect him. One sicko is heard shouting, “make it work! Please make it work” while shaking Jobs’s skeleton.

* Martial law is declared in most major cities across the globe.

* Religious nuts start coming out of the woodwork.

Day 4

* Riots come to a halt as most are too depressed to leave their homes, leaving the streets of cities deserted. Those who do leave, do so only to restock on Prozac.

* A new unexplained behaviour starts to emerge in some places whereby heavily drugged individuals start digging up and chewing fibre-optic cables at night. Others have resorted to eating hard drives and other computer components.

* Electricity grids start collapsing everywhere as a result of missing fibre-optic cabling.

* Governments recognise the seriousness of the cable problem and give orders to shoot “cable gobblers”. But the problem is uncontrollable, especially as Prozac and Valium supplies run out worldwide.

Day 5

* The South African government announces that the internet has collapsed. This is after Telkom releases a statement saying that “some problems have been experienced over the last few days”. The company, however, insists that no refunds will be given to internet users.

* Malema applauds the announcement of the internet collapse, saying the internet is a “neo-liberal capitalist white thing that is counter-revolutionary”. He also calls for the nationalisation of the internet but retracts his statement when he is told that the internet is not owned by white South Africans. He later takes responsibility for destroying Twitter.

* Emergency sessions are called at the UN to plan the restoration of the internet and to strategise ways to govern during the crisis. President Jacob Zuma is selected to chair the sessions after he convinces world leaders he is the best man for the job. “I am the guy to sort this out. I govern a country where at the best of times there is no electricity or internet. This is not a crisis for me, this is just another day at the office,” Zuma tells world leaders. –

Sunday Tribune

 

too funny

 

"1pm: News outlets start calling the lack of internet in America a “very, very serious problem”. It is also reported that the internet has not been working in Europe and Asia for at least a week before the problem is reported in America, proving once again that Americans have no idea what is going on outside their country."

The lack of contact with my friends overseas would alert me to a potential problem.

No internet would put me out of the loop as far as news. No pron!? WTF? :-D Going to invest in a little piece of history, you know, in case there are riots. :-D

 

Nice!LOL I still have a landline.:-D It's too bad that the rest of the network is digital. Anyone have some cans and a string?

 

You still subscribed to a dial up connection, augie? Had it for ages in on particular location as BB was not stable. But what access would you have considering the senario :crybaby

Time to build VHF and SW radios, say what. :-D

Cheers..

 

Nah, I've got cable internet. 8 Mb of it too, costs enough though.:eek

 

Ha. I still have dial-up. I'd be able to get on, and talk to myself.

I suppose the whole thing is some sort of totally obscure joke that the rest of us aren't being let in on.

And of course, I could say something like: 'If it were important enough to be noticed, it would be part of America. Since it's not, it isn't.'

 

A frightening scenario, ®KIM :-D :cry

Bazza

 

The Illuminati have already prepared us for this eventuality. Evidentally, we just need to stick the plug back in.
It's coming, people. They want you to know who's running the show.
Having a conversation with your family was the most intrinsic, basic concept only twenty years ago. Then technology really took off. Another brick in the wall. We are being built up to be knocked down. The New World Order will see to that.

What a load of bollocks.

 

Of course, I posted this with a TIC attitude, but on a more serious note - what if someting like this REALLY happened - the consequences wold be absoluitely disastrous. However, as Joey mentioned in his post about having conversastions with the family - I wonder how many families DO sit down and just talk to each other - regardless of the subject being discussed without being interrupted by the sounds of someone calling you on skype; the cell phone where you might be sitting outside in the shade of a tree on a hot summer afternoon; a large family sitting around the table and having a leisurely meal? Get the picture?
My darling hubby passed away in May last year and my threesome helped me move from Durban to Kempton Park to be closer to the two younger ones living here - in fact, my son - after having lost his wife two months after my hubby - both cancer victims - has now moved in with me, while my daughter stays just a few houses further down the road. Now these two, along with daughter's boyfriend, Clifton (both divorced and parents themselves) and I have set aside one evening a week when we switch off the TV and our computers and have a games evening - Monopoly, Scrabble, Rummikub, card games, just to get away from the "electronic age" gadgets for a while. And I cannot stress enough how we enjoy doing this together!!! In fact, I would recommend something like this for all families - add going out to some nice place for a picnic or fishing - it does help to get rid of all the cobwebs and rejuvenate the mind. And what about the family creating a nice garden of sorts? Nothing nicer than growing your own fresh veggies, or beautiful flowers???
In conclusion, Joey - you say 'what a load of bollocks.' In what way, though? The article? or the idea of the world being taken over by the NWO? Unfortunately the NWO idea is very real and frightening - I know many people don't realise just how dangerous it really is; how people are being brainwashed to accept it...
Have a lovely weekend!

 

Hey, augiedoggie, there's an even older method of communication - drums! Or for those who live in the USA, learn from your "Red Indians" to create smoke signals - btw - what IS the correct term for referring to your indigenous inhabitants???

 

'Native American' would be the PC term. Indian is often used. I kinda like 'injun'. :-D (And for the PC types, I am part Injun)

 

Fred, I just HAVE to be THE most un-PC character on any forum - but I also have to admit that I have a lot of respect for your "Native Americans." From which tribe are you part? I have an elderly American friend in Louisana who is part Cherokee - he married a South African lady from an Afrikaans background - "Afrikaans" not only meaning the language spoken, but also a descendant from a combination of Dutch, German, French - matter of fact, I am also descended from these people, on my father's side pure Dutch, while from my mother's side all three. In fact, my first Van den Berg (surname) ancestor landed here in South Africa around 1652, but unfortunately the name has now come to a dead end as the only living VdB is my late younger brother's son, Aldon, who is a loose cannon somewhere on the north coast of Natal province, not interested in marrying and continuing the line. My late elder brother fathered a son and daughter, but these two reverted back to their mother's surname after a rather dirty divorce... Oh, I might add that both brothers were years my juniors...

 

And that is a side of civilization we don't see much of anymore. Personally, we, as a family, still have conversations and encourage the kids to contribute. I never had that family interaction as a kid and I now believe that's what makes me such a gob shite today. And I love gardening.

Certainly not bollocks to the article. South Park got it right. If the internet collapses, society will lack the single most important tool after the wheel. We depend on it. We need our cyber fix. The New World Order, however, the banks, governments on a leash, I don't know. Puppet masters pulling the strings, sure. But I'm not sure there's a hidden few trying to manipulate the whole of humanity. I'll believe it when I see it. Like evey other conspiracy theory doing the rounds, prove it.

 

I am part Chickasaw with a dash of Cherokee. Have no clue what percentage of what. Cherokee through my Mom's side, Chickasaw from my Dad. Might be interesting one day to track down all my family information. :cool

 

Repeat after me,

There is no Illuminati, There is no Illuminati, There is no Illuminati,...

We are tracking you, and will be there shortly.

 

I suspect an underestimation of the resilience of the average person, though I do admit to missing my internet when it's not there.