Whoooaaaaaa

Whoa hey guys. Long time no talk. Yeah a lot has happened over like the past month. I was in the hospital... but I'm better now.

I'm not going to get into the details but it's here if you want to know. http://canofzoo.deviantart.com/

So how have you all been?

 

Hi CaNoFzOo. Sounds to me like I'm doing better than you. Just keep your head together.

 

I had a similar negative experience in high school and although it seemed entirely detrimental to me at the time, it did yield a positive change on my life and looking back on it, I'm thankful it happened.

Hope things changed for the better in your case.

 

I've been better. Thanks for asking. I've been in/out of the hospital a lot myself over the last month or so, although no overnight stays.

I read your whole journal, and want to post more than a general "hope you're better", but I've got to go to bed. I'm not the night owl I used to be. I'll be back tomorrow night, earlier.

 

Hey there Cano! You sure did disappear there for a while. Seems like you've changed quite a bit during that time too, and from your own account it doesn't seem like a change for the better. What happened? I have to say, I'm really concerned. You went from a very upbeat, knows-what-she-wants, steadfast young lady to a self-destructive, tossed-by-the-waves mess. I'm going out on a limb and being direct about this because it seems to me that you're not happy with the way your life is going at this point. When you were coming around before, you were very idealistic, you had your opinions of how things should be and you voiced them. Sometimes, I felt that you were a little naive, but that's to be expected for someone your age, and actually rather refreshing in this time of kids becoming cynical so early in life. You can obviously see that this is not a good direction and can only take you so far. If I didn't sense that, I wouldn't be so bold with you. So, what's up? Do you see any one event, or series of events that brought about such a change in you? If you don't feel comfortable going into it on the board, feel free to PM me.

 

Hi again.

Reading your journal was painful. You've been gone from MG for quite a while, and in the interim seem to have blossomed into a very unhappy and depressed person. I obviously don't know all the details of that evolution, but if you don't mind some advice from an old fart that means you well, there are a few things that are pretty universal.

First, as you've pretty much noted in your journal, boys suck. Not all of them, and not forever, but most of them haven't grown up enough to make them worth any kind of serious relationship yet. You'll have a lot less grief with them if you keep it light and just friendly for the next few years. Eventually one (or more) will come around that are worthy of love, but in the mean time you're more likely to find mostly frustration. And you seem to have more than enough of that already.

Second, booze is not your friend. It's good for making you forget your frustrations temporarily, but it doesn't make them go away, and causes more frustration on top of what you already have.

Third, and it's not what you'll want to hear, but right now school is the most important thing you're doing, and consumes the largest part of your life. Between boys, booze, and depression, you seem to have given up on school, and 10 years down the road, the only part of today's life that will still be important to you is how well or not well you did in school. So MUCH of your future will be based on how you do right now.

And whether you realize it or not, a large part of your depression probably hinges on the fact that you're not doing well in school. And the longer you ignore it and don't work at it, the worse it will get. Cutting school and coming to school drunk isn't cool, and the results aren't fun. It's the behavior of a loser, and you don't NEED to be a loser.

Nicole, there is fun, which is cheap and easy to generate, but is over as soon as the music stops. Then there is contentment, which only comes from being and doing things that are worthwile, and contentment remains even in the dark, quiet in the middle of the night when your friends have gone home and it's just you and your mirror. I hope you'll realize that there's more to life than just today and tomorrow, and start focusing on the things that truly matter, and will truly make you content.

You showed us yours, it's only fair that I show you mine. This has been my "journal", as much as I have one anywhere, for the last month.
http://forums.majorgeeks.com/showthread.php?t=73627
Not fun, and not a great looking future, short of a miracle. But I am truly content with my life. I'm not planning to, but if I die next week, I'm satisfied with what I've done with my life, and with the way I've touched people's lives. Look to the future, and plan for it. From now until your life is over, you'll periodically look back over your shoulder at what you've done, what you've accomplished, what you've grown into (and we never stop growing). You'll remember a lot of the fun, and there's always time for fun. But you'll cherish the accomplishments. Hopefully. Some days and some situations do indeed suck. But life itself only sucks if you let it.

 

Canofzoo...reading your journal was like stepping back in a time machine for me. People gave me words of wisdom too, but none of it helped, maybe because I wasn't listening and couldn't see how they could possibly understand, in my naivety. It took years before I got my wake up call big time from the guy upstairs. Yeah, I know...I can hear exactly what you're saying to that between the fits of laughter and the cursing...I did that too. I'm just saying how it was for me. Your journey maybe different, but if it is not, I certainly hope you get to the point of peace quicker and with less pain

What I do want to share on a more practical side, is the "sealing the deal" thing. For women it more often than not isn't a heap load of fireworks the first time, or even the second, third, fourth. It can feel very much like sex is just sex. And it isn't because there is anything wrong with you. Often early experiences are explorative...neither know much about what it is they are doing, and women are a little bit more complex to please than guys. All I can say is when you are with the right guy at the right time in your life, he will take the effort to learn about what rocks your boat, and the whole making love thing can be a very beautiful and exquisite experience that is personal to only those two people. You will know when you are there

 

EDIT -

nevermind.



-Steve

 

poor baby.....so young....so much pain. dont know what i can add to what others have said. please keep in touch here. although we cant neccessarily help, we can and do care. my email addy is in my profile. please write to me. my love is boundless and is wrapped around you.

 

I'm on that same road myself at the moment. I really think I've found the right person, so I'm really working on that

 

Hi Zoo-bee. I'm not going to like, offer ANY advice. Scarily I went through the exact same thing - like, hospital 1st time (it wasnt even my choice) and all - at about the same time, and all i can tell you is it sucks like hell - but it becomes a defining moment later on.

The lowest point, the building point, and it doesn't get "better" it gets manageable and starts to make sense soon. Hang in there till then, you'll look back and know you can do better and go for it.

You'll get better if you want to. If you don't you wont. But my stepdad the shrink tells me if you do what you have always done you'll get what you have always gotten. AA tells ya the same thing... it means if your life sucks, change it. see what happens.

I'm here if you need me, but only by email. I hate PM's