Worlds dumbest "hacker"

Found this on another site.......but had to post between wiping the tears away from laughing so hard!

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Something nice I read on www.stophiphop.de (got pointed there by a comment on www.macguardians.de) is this nice story of a hacker: http://www.beast.mos-worlds.de/modu...php?storyid=184 (site might be down, quite a lot of people are reading this).

In case you don't speak german (just as this hacker), I've tried a little translation to english. I might have made some spelling errors, but the original spelling wasn't perfect either. The guy really said "buy buy" in the german version. I've posted this on the forum on http://www.desertcombat.com before, so if this looks familiar, might be the same. I've corrected some mistakes and put the < > back to the right version (The DC forum does not support them). All censoring was done by this particular forum here.
Notice that in germany we get DST earlier than in the US.

The story starts (I'm shortcutting here) with an [Please control your cussing] insulting everyone on the IRC channel. Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny. For information: The dangerous hacker is called *****checker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch. 127.0.0.1 is always the IP-adress of the computer you're currently using, any request there will return to your computer.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> why do you kick me
<*****checker> can't you discus normally
<*****checker> answer!
we didn't kick you
you had a ping timeout: * *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<*****checker> what ping man
<*****checker> the timing of my pc is right
<*****checker> i even have dst
<*****checker> you banned me
<*****checker> amit it you son of a *****
LOL
**** you're stupid, DST^^
<*****checker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<*****checker> for two weaks already
<*****checker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
You're a real computer expert
<*****checker> shut up i hack you
ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<*****checker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
or maybe 127.0.0.1
yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<*****checker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
Now I'm frightened
<*****checker> shut up you'll be gone
<*****checker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<*****checker> say goodbye
to whom?
<*****checker> to you man
<*****checker> buy buy
I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
lol
*****checker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<*****checker> you're so stupid man
<*****checker> say buy buy
ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<*****checker> buy buy elch
* *****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve... Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> elch you son of a *****
*****checker how old are you?
What's up *****checker?
<*****checker> you have a frie wal
<*****checker> fire wall
maybe, i don't know
<*****checker> i'm 26
such behaviour with 26?
how did you find out that I have a firewall?
tststs this is not very nice missy
<*****checker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<*****checker> be a man turn that **** off
cool, didn't know this was possible.
<*****checker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
are you hacking yourselves?
yes *****checker is trying to hack me
he *****checker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<*****checker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
what firewall do you have?
<*****checker> like a girl
firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
***** give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<*****checker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
Noo
he *****checker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<*****checker> you're afraid
<*****checker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<*****checker> elch turn off your **** wall!
i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<*****checker> shut up
lol
<*****checker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<*****checker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall


He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

QUOTE
*****checker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
*****hacker can't hack
> nice play on words ^^
<*****checker> wort man
*****checker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
how many times again he is no hacker
<*****checker> man do you want a virus
<*****checker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
127.0.0.1
it's easy
<*****checker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<*****checker> and are the first files being deleted
mom...
i'll take a look


In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

QUOTE
<*****checker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a *****
that's bad
<*****checker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<*****checker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone


Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. *****checker was comforting me with a music tip.

QUOTE
<*****checker> tupac rules
<*****checker> elch you son of a ***** your f: is gone and e: too


Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

QUOTE
<*****checker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
why doesn't meta say anything
he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
> ^^
<*****checker> your d: is gone
go on *****


The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! *****checker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

QUOTE
<*****checker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<*****checker> i'm already at c: 30 percent


Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

QUOTE
* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "*****checker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time

 

Seen this before, full of profanity, but hillarious nonetheless.

Anyone who doesn't get it: 127.0.0.1 is your own machine, no matter where the machine is, whether its connected to the internet. It's called loopback, and will always point at your own machine.

 

Like the old days when we would tell them hitting Alt-F4 three times would be a secret enhancement to chat. That would log off and close windows and shutdown.....

 

Whistling in the wind..ss.ss.s.ss, Ssshhh goldie, we'd be able to make a good living off people who don't know know how to address 127 etc, if it wasn't for the fact we all like giving it away for free

How's business btw, know you'll sort it profesionally, just curious*




* Posh for nosy

 

... I'm sorry what?

 

Just remembering you had been having a little trouble with your business partner and hoping the situation had moved on and become profitable.

Just nosy really

 

Oh right! You just confused me with the wording there!

Yeah, its okay. I'm going to finish off the jobs that we've started but after that I'm going to come to a settlement.

 

Old days? I still manage to get away with that one even now *grins*

 

That's a funny

 

Thats awesome. The jerk got what he deserved.
Thanks for the laugh!