*yay* more bs

ok, first off, sorry to post it here but I just have to vent a bit

as you know, my grandma is in the hospital, but luckily things are going a bit better after the surgery they performed on her last Sunday.
this is all good and all, and I'm very relieved but just when things started to get going again, *bam* in comes...... the mother
so, what does the Mother do?
I was at a friend's place yesterday and I was late by half an hour (not a big deal imo as I was still in the house at 11pm and I was travelling by car).
I get home, my mom wants me to give her my keys, which I proceed to do and then, she slams the door in my face telling me to "Go find a different home, I'm sick of you.". Then, after some cigarettes she opens the door and tells me I can come in if I'm never late again blahblah, whole lotta bs.
so I go into the house and she tells me I've been grounded until christmas, am not to go out on saturdays, can never again borrow her car because all of a sudden I'm "a bad driver" and that IF I ever have the nerve to not be home already when she is I "should go sleep on the streets".

*sigh*... sometimes I just don't get parents... what's the big problem with me being half an hour late when she knew exactly where I was, and that I wasn't doing anything stupid. Nor did she need her car so I really don't get it.

If you've read all this; thank you

 

Flep I may be playing devils advocate here, but was she drinking? that sounds like erratic behavior for someone with no previous history of child abuse... (or does she have one?)

She probably under alot of stress too, but thats a bit excessive..

 

no, she doesn't drink because of medication for her heart.

 

is she having a nervous breakdown? i know I recently went through so much emotional stress that I lashed out for no reason at people just for being in my way, and I was about an inch from needing a doctors treatment.

is she close to her mother?

 

that's the weird thing, it's my dad's mother and she isn't exactly close to her (to put it nicely).
it is however about 2 years ago to this date that her grandmother passed away as well.

 

Well, i'm sorry for your bs. there seems to be alot going on in her head right now, you might not even know the half of it. I mean, me for me, when my life gets all whacked out and hard to deal with noone can tell until I either snap or... snap. I hold alot inside pretending to be strong.

my professional advice is to be super son for a few days and she'll likely forget all about the punishment. dont expect the apology until um... you have kids. or her deathbed maybe... but if it doesnt pass even if your being as helpful as possible in a week, i'd confront her. or your dad. thats just not right.

 

fleppen ill share a story with you that is similar.

My mother has been married 4 times and always dates assholes.

Anyway I was 16 and decided to go get a bite to eat with my friend after school. I drove by my grandmas house on the way, her boyfriend happend to be there.

I get home at 3:30 PM about 30 mins later than I usually do. He starts yelling at me telling me I ran a stop sign and some other bullshit at my grandmas corner which does not have a stop sign in the direction I was going. so I just played it off and walked away. He goes ballistic and pulls my keys out of my pockets and choke slams me into a wall. I freaked out and took off out the door running.

I had my work shirt in my had, I was just gonna walk to work. I was worked up crying etc someone calls the police on me says I am running around with a gun, they pull up next to me on the street and search me. (talk about a bad day) so I tell them I am worries about my mother etc. Cops take me bck, go in and talk while I am in car. I get in house, cop tells me I should listen to my parents etc, who knows what lie they told him. Her b/f tells me right in front of the cop I am lucky he did not beat my ass. Cop did not care. I ended up moving out at 17 and havnt been back since and rarely talk to my mother for letting that kind of stuff happen to me(by far not the first time and not the worst stuff). I tried talking to her she never wants to change, only please her b/f.

my sister hates her as much as I and is joining to military to get out of there. She broke up with that guy and is now back with him and went and got married in a court. I rarely see him but he is now a truck driver and if he gets one step out of line when I am around he will regret it.

You gotta do what ya gotta do, hopefully you and your mothers relationship works out better than mine. But just know your not the only one and it could have been a lot worse. There are way to many bad parents in the world today, all we can do is learn from their mistakes.

I have a very full passion to raise a family who can depend on each other and love each other. That is my goal in life, not to be like my mother and father.

If it gets worse or whatever happens, always learn from themistakes you see her make with you. Cant do much more than that.

 

My mum gets very, umm, unreasonable, at times. Its a mix of a lot of things, really, from what I can tell.

 

fleppen, Wookie, and Goldy,
I'm so sorry about the crud you guys are putting up with. My parents weren't all that great either, but they never threatened to kick me out. ( I would have welcomed them doing that, actually. )
I think Wenchie's advice is good. Act like the perfect angel for a few days (or weeks, or as long as you can stand it! ) It will be hard, and you mom may never apologize, but at least you'll be doing what is right, and you won't be giving her any fuel to add to her fire.
I agree with Wookie too. I think the world needs good parents more than it needs anything else right now. I figure since my parents never really apologized to me when I was growning up, and that is probably the only thing I wish they'd do, then that is what I'm going to do with my kids.
I think what I resent the most about my parents was this lame "admission" that they weren't perfect, in a general sense, but when it came down to specific instances, they never apologized or admitted failures, either to me, my sister, or to eachother. So, as far as I'm concerned, their little quip "Oh, I'm not perfect, nobody's perfect" was just a lot of hot air, because their actions screamed that they believed that they were always right. It was/is very frustrating.
My sister has had some good talks with my Dad recently, and I guess he finally admitted that he did some things wrong, and my Mom has actually apologized a few times as well. (My mom and dad got divorced about 6 years ago) It's amazing how much our relationships improved when they apologized. I mean, did they think we'd respect them less? On the contrary, we respect them more, because we KNOW they aren't perfect, but they act so doggone self-righteous.
All I can do is apologize to my kids, starting now. I already have apologized to them quite a few times, and I hope they know I mean it.

 

see, im a horrible parent. i admit it. the best i can do is not make the same horrendus mistakes all along, try not to break her/lose her/set fire to her b accident (or on purpose) and hope she isnt a serial killer.

but i saw a guy holdinghis 3 week old sons mouth shut so he'd stop crying and his mother referring to him as a hemrhoid (sp?) itty bitty beatiful baby boy... makes me sick. And worse - people like this: http://www.syracuse.com/news/poststandard/index.ssf?/base/policeblotter-0/109739870297890.xml

makes you want to hug your own and never let them go...

 

Wenchie, why do you say you are a horrible parent? I know you have your hands full, and I frankly don't see how you make it through each day. I'm sure you make mistakes, get frustrated, lose patience, etc,, we all do, and there's no excuse, but you can't be so hard on yourself. I know you love that little girl so much, even though she gives ya such a run for your money. Hats off to you, girl. Just don't quit. That's all any kid asks, I suppose.

I hope someday you can find a nice guy who will be a great Daddy to her, and a great Husband to you. Just keep working away at what you what you said.

And do hold her close and never let her go. We all need that, you know?